Friday, June 17, 2011

End of an Era

We're officially back in the U.S....which means we no longer believe our stories are interesting enough to entertain our three dedicated readers.

Although, to be fair, we've just done a bit of a tour of the South and I have to say some of the food we've experienced certainly rivals in creativity much of the food we've experienced around the world.  Examples:

The Hot Brown (Lexington, KY):  an open-faced sandwich with turkey and/or ham, cheese, tomato and bacon.  Whoa.

Frogmore Stew (Charleston, SC): corn, sausage, shrimp and potatoes all boiled together and served with a variety of sauces.

May I also mention that our stomachs of steel that can handle Chinese street food cannot handle the aforementioned foods.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Weddings aren't for me, but if they were...

I eloped for a reason.  I hate making decisions.  I get menu paralysis in restaurants with only eight options and I simply don't understand how you ever look at the 10,000 different flower varieties out there and settle on just one or two as THE flower(s).  The same goes for venues, first dances, menu get the picture.  Also, believe it or not, I hate being the center of attention.  It makes me extremely anxious.

That said, if I were to ever suppress everything about myself and have a big wedding (I've always told Juan he's a good starter husband), my friend Christine did it just about right.  I mean, check this out:

Hay bales (not to be confused with straw bales)* as wedding seating with parasols to keep the sun off.

The most gorgeous dress EVER.  I mean look at that beige lace.

Both parents walking you down the aisle (why should Dad have all the fun?)

Someone you know intimately that's qualified to marry you  (we're not talking about someone who gets a phony internet certificate online, this woman is a proper judge -- a judge that Christine worked for in NY for a couple of years) and who makes 10b-5 jokes during the ceremony.  Hilarious (in a nerdy way, obviously).

That scenery.  Can't beat 190 acres of horse pasture as a backdrop.

Not bad, Christine, not bad at all.  We wish you all the best and more.

*Christine is now an expert on all things to do with horses, farms, etc.  Horses eat hay.  They pee on straw.  So, thanks for not making us sit on the pee bales.

Monday, June 6, 2011

My New Life's Work

"Sometimes the fluffy bunny of incredulity zooms round the bend so rapidly that the greyhound of language is left, agog, in the starting cage."

One of my favorite quotes from Cloud Atlas pretty much sums up why, after a few too many infuriating email exchanges with Real Gap, I've decided to dedicate my unemployed life to taking them down.  Well, maybe not taking them down, but at least writing enough reviews, and messaging enough people on facebook, to lose them substantial money.  I think it's a worthy use of my time.

A few highlights of our interactions:

Me:  In no way, shape or form was this class for "all levels" like you said.  On day two we were being asked to perform dangerous acrobatics with people who had been at the school for up to a year.

Fisa Liddmore*, Real Gap: Safety is paramount at the school and in the shared acrobatics session, the moves students were asked to carry out were tailored to ability and longevity of stay. You were carrying out moves of differing difficulty levels to the students who had been there longer.

Me: Unless you were hiding in the back of our class, you don't really seem qualified to tell me what we were and were not asked to do.

Fisa Liddmore, Real Gap: We are satisfied that the services you received at the academy were consistent with the programme information you received before you arrived.

Dear Real Gap.  You messed with the wrong retired lawyer.

**The name of the Real Gap representative I found so useful has been changed due to a cease and desist letter sent by Real Gap asking me not to name their representatives.